FEBRUARY "BREAK" and back to the grind

Good morning my dearest friends and supporters of the movement to not let the kids slip through the cracks!

I may have had a lot of coffee this morning.  My son asked if I accidentally took his ADHD meds again.  He says that when I did, I cleaned everyone's bedrooms.  LOL~

PROGRESS REPORT

An actual IEP Progress report was posted in Alex's Aspen account yesterday.  I reviewed it and then responded to the IEP teacher this morning.  I wanted her to know that in spite of the difficulties, I deeply appreciate all that she does.

When it comes to the individual person and their individual ability to learn, it is a journey for each of us...one we truly must take as personal, and we must want to achieve for our own selves.  Now, that being said, how do we teach and demonstrate the importance of learning, of knowing, of expanding our minds- to the youth.

It is incredibly difficult to motivate my son Alex.  From a planetary standpoint, the boy has a lot of Taurus and strong Capricorn in his chart.  He is driven by comfort, money and stability.  Otherwise, he is STUBBORN beyond anything I have ever witnessed.

I have wonderful kids, I really truly do.  I positively adore them. But I did NOT create this blog for an opportunity to brag about how great my kids are!  I created this blog to speak openly and truthfully about what the challenges have been and how we are working through them.  You may be wondering why that might be useful.

When my husband was a child, he struggled with an un-diagnosed learning disability.  He was treated somewhat cruelly by teachers who did not recognize what it was.

When my children's father was a child, he too struggled in two countries with two languages and many behavioral issues.  No one identified the issues or helped correct them.

When I was a child I struggled in school due to trauma at home.  No one identified the issues, no one helped.

THE CYCLE

STOPS

HERE.

I will not always be here, but my children will be here a while and then their children and maybe this family as it grows, will find information that is useful in these words I am putting into the ether.

The bottom line is that there is progress...be it ever so small, it is there.

So we are back to the grind after a week off.  It was such a slow and tedious week.  What makes things very difficult here at my house is the myriad things that are happening.

My husband works two jobs:  a daytime job and aprt time night job.  In addition, we recently purchased a car to replace the stolen one and EVERYTHING IMAGINABLE that can go wrong has gone wrong with this vehicle.  So my husband spends his free time out in the freezing cold attempting to resolve the problems.  

His car was not the only problem child this month.  I received a letter saying that since my car did not pass inspection, the registration would expire.  SO on top of the new vehicle drama, my husband ALSO had to hunt down parts for my car, make the repairs...back and forth to the inspection station.  All of this in between driving my daughter to and from work and Jamie coming and going to his two jobs.

It has been utter chaos.

This week, the "back to normal theme" includes Alex going to school Wednesday and Friday- I will drive him to and from.  

Annika works across the street from his school on Monday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  She has her learners permit, and she is insured on our coverage, but she is a new and inexperienced driver.  We have had several snowy days and heavy rain, plus neither of our cars is in good condition.  It has been a challenge for sure.  We stay local at all costs right now.

So February break presented a time when we were craving to get away...but because of Covid we could not and with no cars, there were more obstacles.

Alex spent most of his free time online gaming with friends or watching You Tubers play Minecraft.  We played some board games and I got him to make some jewelry with me, but he mainly just wants to get back online with his friends. We have tried doing some reading together.  WE NEED TO TRY HARDER.

I admit, that launching into some creative projects for me has meant that I have taken my eyes off the needs of the family.  You know what happens in that case?  Here's a list...

1.  No one does any chores or helps out around the house unless I specifically prompt them to do a particular task.  Then they huff and puff, do the task and return to their cell phones or Video Games.

2.  Annika will not cook for herself or resolve her own needs.  She comes to me to figure out how to do the adulting tasks like resolving her RIC school debt from dropping out mid-term or practice driving, or a recent issue with the medical insurance billing where I could not resolve any of it...it had to be her dad.  Yet, there I was, coordinating everyone to get it done...chasing everyone around.

3.  Paying the bills.  My husband will pay the mortgage without prompting...and maybe two credit cards or 3.  He will pay the cell phone bill...but aside from that, it is me who goes through all pf the mail, opens everything, pays the majority of the bills, organizes everyone's Tax items, and keeps a file system of all the vehicle receipts and repairs, bills that get paid, resolving medical billing issues that have been the highlight of 2021 so far!

4.  No one shops.  There's no milk?  MOM!  There's no eggs?  MOM!!  Hello?  I don't have a car most of the time because it is on the lift being repaired.

5.  The cats and the dog.  They would run out of food and litter if it were not for me.  Also, the cat box.  I am the only one who cleans it.

6.  Dinner.  Lunch.  Breakfast.  Basically all food consumed is bought by me, cooked and served by me and as an extra added bonus, I can also do all the cleaning up after we eat!

It's a rant...I know.  But now to the fun part.  How do I plan to fix it?

Just because I am not working a traditional job right now does not mean that I am not busy.  I am EXHAUSTED by the middle of the day!  I get up when the first person in the house gets up which is pretty early since my kid works at a bakery!  I pack lunch for Alex and Jamie.  I feed the animals and water all of the plants and seedlings.  I clean the cat litter and walk the dog.  And all of this is before morning coffee is done being consumed!

I drive Alex to school, then return to pick him up and pick up Annika from work.  The dog comes with because he loves a ride.  Annika never plans her meals so the minute she gets in the car she asks, "do we have any food at home?"  

****OPPORTUNITY****

First opportunity for change in habit:  She cannot prep her food because she gets up too early.  But I can teach her how, and also I can support her in this.  I already prepare and pack a meal for Jamie and for Alex...adding one for Annika that she can heat, eat and get on with her day would really help her.

When home, Alex goes to his room to get online and play with friends.  This is not ideal, but socialization is VERY IMPORTANT and if this is the only type, then I say yes to it.  I get started on cooking dinner.  So, what did I do with the hours that Alex was at school, you may be wondering?

Usually I will work on product development such as the recipes and actual creation of my lotions, soaps, fragrances and jewelry.  I have been doing this since Alex returned to school two days per week.  Since I am on unemployment at this time, I figured there was no time as good as now to start!  Sometimes however, if my Chronic Fatigue is bad, I will rest and watch TV for some of that time.  Resting then, allows me to be active when the family IS at home and needs me the most.

In the evenings (weekdays), I have a dance...I like to call it "Staying available".  I avoid phone calls.  I watch what is going on at home and I monitor Alex's Video Gaming/internet time.  My daughter talks NONSTOP through most of it so this is extremely mentally exhausting for me.  However, due to her anxiety and her sensitivity to redirection, I try to be allowing and accepting of it.  That is why I do activities that I can focus on lightly and still give her attention.  Due to her demand for attention, Alex often falls through the cracks...he just stays in his room on his technology until food is on the table.

Dinner time is very important at my house because it is a time to pull everyone away from their activities including my husband...and to have some conversation.  There was a time when I would become agitated if Dinner did not go as I wanted it to.  But now I have concluded that if we get 2 great shared meals per week out of 5, I am content with that.  Why?  Because results are as varied as the participants.  But the important piece of it, is that we are TRYING...that we CONTINUE...that we WORK AT IT.

After dinner, I feel extremely drained.  If I do not ask people to do specific jobs such as put the salad in a seal-top container and put it away for me...no one will help.  My husband will eat, and then leave the table to go back to whatever task arises or crosses his mind.  By dinner (Usually 6:30pm), his ADHD meds are long past being effective.  If he stops being productive now, he will not get back up and active.  I allow his removal from the table without helping in the kitchen because I know what his needs are.

Annika will not help whatsoever unless prompted.  Now I realize she worked an 8 hour shift on her feet, hustling in the busiest bakery I have ever seen...all with no break and no food.  This concerns me.  Her energy and her physical well-being and needs concern me.  But also...couldn't you just rinse your dinner dish?  If I prompt her, she will do what I ask and then immediately go to her room to avoid doing more.

Alex will always clear his spot and other spots from the table, which I appreciate.  He also feed the animals in the evening, walks Cloud in the evening most of the time and pulls the trash and recycling for us.  I don't want to make him do more than that...so I do the kitchen cleanup myself.  I yell to Alexa, "Play WBRU Live Stream Radio" and I get to business.  By around 7:30pm, the chores are done to my satisfaction and the table is cleared for the next day's HomeSchooling...

((MORNING DISHES)) shown here

And I am WIPED.

Oops, forgot the laundry!

Head to the basement where there is laundry to wash, to dry and to fold.  But I created a system down there so that I am not lugging baskets upstairs or putting other people's clothes away!  I added some drawer space for the overflow of my husband's tee shirts because he has an addiction.  It's demanding, but by staying on top of it daily, I reduce the overwhelming mess that takes over due to the carelessness of the household participants.  Thankfully, Annika washes, dries and brings her laundry upstairs to her room.  But everything else...I manage that.  If I let my husband get involved down there,he creates UTTER CHAOS.  But if I keep his favorite clothes clean and ready for him, all is well (with my soul).

Shown below:  By placing an old dresser below this hanging cabinet that my husband installed, I doubled the amount of storage space for my towels.

By poking around the basement, I found an old basket and an unused plastic container with a missing cover.  These became a convenient catch-bin for clean facecloths and clean hand-towels.  Now, instead of putting away all of the laundry at once, they have a temporary parking space in the laundry room.  If anyone needs them, this is where they can find them.

I purchased a two piece set of these colorful cloth laundry containers.  The green one at the forefront is a catch for clean socks.  When it gets full (seen here), I just bring it upstairs and sort and deliver!

The Old Dresser.  You may wonder why it looks terrible- it is a classic.  I am unable to change the handles because it belongs to someone else...for now, the labels I added peel off easily.

Here, an aerial view of what they hold.

Although it looks like a Gypsy Camp in my basement surrounding this shelving...The blankets covering the items keep them safe from spills and dust, while the shelf, recently relocated to this spot, helps to make the laundry area a "room" and is being utilized for storing my silicone molds for soap and lotion bars, my dry ingredients and all my tools.

I pride myself in finding new uses for old containers from the recycling bins.  I work hard everyday removing labels, dish-washing and hand-washing to make them reusable as storage.

I shopped around for many months looking for the right Sewing Box to buy for my hand-sewing projects.  I stumbled on this plastic box somewhere and just saw the potential for what I needed.

I really wanted to do my Laundry ins a creative space and all that promotional advertising and orange and red packaging was driving me crazy!  I decided to make my own soap containers, purchase organic Laundry Powder.  In the back, I took the labels off an old Laundry Container and purchased some pods that have low dye content but still are string on greasy dirt and grime.  Those are for my husband's clothes.  Annika likes liquid fabric softener, so I found a set of Dryer Sheets and Liquid that I could live with.

DIRECTLY behind the laundry room...this is the chaos I am striving to keep out.

The door to my studio is directly through the laundry room.

Now...while I am down there, I am right next to my Studio!  So this gives me a chance to tidy up, file the mail which all my files are down there too...and to just listen to Ted-Talks or whatever while I work.  If the cat boxes need attention, I am right there and can do it while waiting on the wash.

By 8:30pm, most nights my husband is ready to chill a while before bed.  We watch some show or another and get Alex in bed for 9:00pm.  Alex always wants to read at this time.  Actually, he doesn't want to read, he just wants a reason to NOT be put to bed.  I am utterly exhausted by this point and seeing double so reading is pretty much out of the question.

Hearing my daily schedule, you can probably see why I love weekends so much...a chance for me to engage in my own activities.  

I have created a somewhat loose schedule for us that involves hiking on Thursdays.  No sooner did I make this plan, that the weather said, NOPE...we have had freezing temps, snow, rain and Annika adding a 5th day onto her work schedule.

I AM NOT DETERRED.

You just cannot stop me from being creative.  I will find new ways to succeed in my health goals of getting outside and being more active and getting those hiking and biking times in.  Also, the reading with Alex.  Also the cooking for and with Annika.  This does not leave much time for my husband and I to bond...which of course has been an ongoing struggle.  Thankfully we are strong as a couple and we will get through it to a time when we can enjoy some togetherness.

Thanks for reading!

Namaste~