Neuro-Typical 2021

 WOW!  It's 2021 already!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!

How did YOU welcome this new year in?

We have a non-neurotypical welcoming committee around here.

Some of my readers will know what that means but for those who do not, I am tipping my hat to those of us who struggle with mental health imbalances of some sort.  Here in my house we have a nice array:

Annika has Generalized Anxiety Disorder- this name gives the light and fluffy idea that somehow it being "generalized" means that it is not so crippling to the person who has it, when in fact it is quite intense on a daily basis. She often has difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep or managing her sleep habits.  She frequently experiences difficulty with OCD as a result of triggering to her anxiety.  Once a teacher of hers, Mrs. Flanders (West Warwick High School Social Studies), told her class that anxiety is not real- it is made up so and it is for people who want to make excuses.

Sorry Mrs. Flanders...I beg to differ.  And if you are teacher, I implore you to stop spreading such nonsense.

Alex has ADHD.  The hyperactivity component was more prominent when he was ages 6-10.  But in the past few years, the Hyperactivity has subsided somewhat and I see more of the attentional challenges, which lead to the emotional highs and lows (depression).  The first time another Mom approached me to say she saw the ADD in my son, he was in the 1st grade.  I was so offended by this woman.  How dare she.  I became frosty instantly...I cut her words down with a sharp tongue.  She was clearly affected.  I plan to apologize when I see her this year- we will back to Warwick Schools and we will see them then.

Jamie has the most challenging cocktail of us all I think.  His Adult ADD is by far the worst I have ever seen in anyone.  He struggles constantly even while on medication.  The challenges of ADD and ADHD do not just affect children!  People do not outgrow ADD.  It is a neurological issue.  Just like many other mental health issues, it requires a balanced lifestyle to manage it, and often times, medication is necessary!  However, to his credit, my husband has done well for himself in spite of these challenges, acquiring a College Degree and establishing a great job with a University.  

As for myself- being neurotypical in my life means having Depression and PTSD.  Looking back on how it progressed to where it is today, there were things I could have done to maybe possibly prevent it from becoming how it is today.  I'll never know for sure...

But along with the Major Depressive Disorder and PTSD with OCD tendencies, I live a rather productive life.

I feel that my family represent quite well, a community of people who are invisible to most- the Community of Mental Health Disorders.

In spite of these drawbacks, my family members have all given a lot to friends, family and their community.  They find ways within their limitations to love, to teach, to share and to be present.  None of us use the same exact skills for coping as any other one of us.  But we support one another in those processes.

This morning, Jamie was griping because he could not find his wallet on his way off to work.  This is a common occurrence...my husband trying to get out the door on time to get to work but cannot locate something vital to his job or his day.  This is a very common experience here.  Meanwhile, my son was in the other room struggling to wake up and face a day of school.  My daughter, lacking all motivation will sleep until midday while her job, where she is employed part-time only, is closed for the winter break.  She will talk about needing to take care of this or that thing...but will make no efforts at achieving it.  She too lacks concentration.  As for me, I am trying my best to be the glue that holds all three of them and myself together.

In true "New Year's" fashion, I have begun a new regiment for my health.  I have been feeling better already but not quite out of the woods yet.  In addition to my daily use of anti-depressants, I am adding some vitamins and herbal supplements (tinctures).  There are also food and diet changes.  No real change would matter without also recognizing and correcting my overly sedentary lifestyle.  But what it really feels like to be me?

It feels like I am struggling...tired...overburdened with responsibilities.  Everywhere I turn are people acting irresponsibly.  They make messes, overextend themselves by promising too many people too many things and that leaves me holding the bag at home with chores and responsibilities to our animals and their care.  Everyday, I prompt Annika to complete her chores.  I have to ask her several times just to get her to do what she knows she is expected to do.  Begrudgingly she gets to it.  Mind you, she is NOT in school and only works part time.  Everyday I need to shadow Alex to make sure he doesn't spend all of his time mindlessly watching youtubers play video games.  I need to prompt him to do his daily chores...which he begrudgingly does.  My husband leaves the house and forgets to come home.  Then, he comes home and chooses the absolutely wrong time to do everything.  He takes the closet apart to finally clean it, but he does it an hour before my bedtime.  I just cleaned the basement...oh well, he decided to rummage through twelve boxes for that thing he needed a month ago for so-and-so but keeps forgetting to get.  Every time, without fail...everytime I clean an area of the house, he comes along and makes a mess there.  No one ever replaces toilet paper rolls or paper towel rolls, brings laundry up from the basement (especially towels), or clean the bathroom.  No one seems to think about the need for any of this.  I have tested it time and time again by leaving things and waiting...watching...and nothing!  

To say that this mom feels utterly unappreciated and also unnoticed in what I do for my family would be an understatement.  

So everyday, in spite of the feeling of worthlessness that depression tricks me into feeling, I push forward in trying to make my family better people.  

I still need to make some adjustments though...because within this paradigm, everyone around me is able to pursue whatever they wish, whereas I am stuck.  I am stuck in the role of Mother and caregiver.  I will remain stuck until I make the changes to unstuck myself.

2021 will be the year I do it.

~Namaste

Lilac