More Changes, More Flexing. When will I get relief?

 I know I am not alone struggling with the ever-changing climate of the schools these days, but it sure does feel that way sometimes.  It's hard to keep in mind that what matters most is that I maintain confidence in what I KNOW and what I AM DOING.  However, this takes a lot of concentration on my part because I am very foggy most days- I attribute this partially to CFS and partially to my Depression.  It is only a stumbling block and not completely disabling...so I have learned to work with it.  Currently I am using some herbal remedies along with being VERY DISCIPLINED about the exact times I use my meds.  I have also made some BIG modifications to my diet and I am seeing major results from these few shifts which have been going on for about 7 days now.

As for Alex and how he is doing:

Alex had his first regular full week of Distance Learning School following his 3 week absence.  To say that this was messy is an understatement.  Things are changing fast at the school, assignments and how they are submitted to the classes are all different.  Some assignments get submitted through the Google Classroom, while others on various external websites.  It is VERY HARD to manage the external websites as they are so varied.  It is also difficult to direct my son through the processes without actually becoming a classroom participant myself (which is what his resource teacher is and does).  Were he at school in a classroom, I would not be receiving the myriad emails I get asking about specific things about his classwork because that would be more closely monitored by the IEP teacher.  I am not a trained IEP teacher so I literally don't know what is expected of me...I just do the best I can.

Alex likes to slack off...5 minutes of work, 30 minutes of play.  This is his "m.o".

So Friday afternoon I became aware that the Warwick Veterans Parents were very upset and griping on a Facebook page for the school.  The Admins of the page were not particularly helpful in response to these whiny parents...barking at them that this page was not a place for negativity and that they should listen to the 2 hour school committee meeting to learn of the plans for re-opening the schools.  Ok...I'll play along.  So there I sat for two fucking hours listening to the School Committee Meeting to learn that in LESS THAN TWO WEEKS MY SON'S ENTIRE SCHEDULE WILL BE DIFFERENT.

In case I didn't say it loud enough (for my friends in the back of the auditorium)... my son's schedule is going to change like 2 weeks before the quarter ends.  The changes put more stress and pressure on us all and no one seems apologetic about it.

Here's what's coming for me:

Annika goes back to work Wednesday.  She works 4 days per week and WE (Jamie and I) are her ride.

Alex will begin a Hybrid School Schedule on 1/21/2020 where he will be doing two full days of school INSIDE THE SCHOOL CLASSROOM and two days at home, Distance Learning with one day "Anytime Learning" as it currently is.  This means a schedule for in school, a schedule for at home, and for the anytime day; A transportation plan for both Alex and Ani because there will be NO BUSSES PROVIDED FOR WARWICK MIDDLE SCHOOLS UNTIL AT LEAST THE FALL of 2021!  Meanwhile, Annika would like to have her own car but cannot get into the DMV for a license because it's damn near impossible to get in there for anything at this time due to Covid-restrictions and NO AVAILABLE APPOINTMENT TIMES.

I know what I sound like.  I sound frustrated.  I guess I am, but also I am not.  I am just a pivotal piece of a unit (my family) who is feeling very tossed about with constant changes.  My husband has been impossible to deal with for a few weeks now because his mood has been dreadful following his car being stolen from our driveway on 12/17/2020.  He has been borrowing a car but needs to come up with a more permanent solution and has not figured it out yet.  He is not exactly asking me for help...he is more just griping and complaining that HE needs to "figure it out"...and without saying it, apparently I get to deal with his passive anger and mood swings.  I'm trying to just stay out of his way quite frankly.

Then there's me.  Oh really?  ME?  Oh yeah...I have my own shit to deal with too you know.

LOL

Don't think I am angry...I am just sorting it all out mentally and emotionally.  I have been interviewing for a job which had appeared to be perfect because it was part-time, LEASING and Tuesday- Friday 1pm to 5pm plus Saturdays all day.  PERFECT.  Pay plus commission.  Only NOW...not perfect at all.  Now that I am ready to interview with the Vice-President to be offered the job, now I am no longer able to accept the job so what do I do? It all changed so fast, and I had no control of the changes!  I don't want to look like a flake to these people because what if I want to work for them in a year from now???  How do I explain this?

Alex's School day on the two days he goes into school will mean dropping him off at 7:50am and picking him up at 2:30pm.  So as you can see when you compare that schedule to the leasing job...I cannot accomplish it all.  I also cannot expects Alex to walk 3 miles home from school. We have no friends or family to ask who live in the area...and as aforementioned, Annika cannot drive yet.

I apparently DID qualify for unemployment...received my first two payments last week...just in the knick of time too because I have NO IDEA HOW we were going to pay our mortgage.  So, I am utterly grateful for the timing.  Tuesday of last week, I knew I had been waiting 2 weeks to hear about it so I called them and spoke to a helpful person who interviewed me and explained that there was a hold on my money due to a missing piece of information.  She conducted a phone interview so that I could explain the missing information and then bam...two days later I got paid.  What if I hadn't called?  I had a feeling in my gut that I needed to call and I did and I was right to do it.  

The unemployment payments are more than sufficient to provide for my family's needs for now until I can find a replacement job that will allow me to support the children's school schedule...or until June anyway (when school ends naturally).  A supportive friend, also a mom- had told me that what I am doing for Alex is GOOD and it makes sense.  She acknowledged that it is a sacrifice but also has great benefits.  It was she who first instilled the idea in me that I ought to continue and use unemployment to support me until a time when I can return to work full time.  I think now, under the current circumstances, I can can see the wisdom in this recommendation.  Also, what choice do I have?

If anyone can recommend a way that I can help my husband to find a vehicle with the zero dollars that we have to do so, I appreciate it.

Namaste~

Lilac