Week Two- Day 6: Distracted Again :-(

The start of a new week can be very difficult!  

For one thing, Alex left Friday afternoon to go to his father's house for the weekend while I was away at my first shift at Kohls.  Once again, Alex forgot to take his medications with him.  So when he returned home Sunday, he was two days off of his meds.  This causes more problems than a "part time parent" realizes...leaving the more full-time parents to struggle along with the child.  I have repeatedly spoken to Alex's Dad about making sure of one thing:  Make sure Alex has his Pills when he picks him up on Fridays.  I even bought a pill-sorter.  I sort them weekly.  How much slack can one parent pick up for the sake of a kid?  I am frustrated about it.

So my weekend- I had a an enjoyable and busy weekend.  I spent the majority of the day Saturday cooking and visiting family members.  I made  Shrimp Scampi for the first time (see photos below):


On Sunday, I washed, dried, folded and put away approximately 6 extra large loads of laundry.  In between these, I sorted, organized and started pricing Yard Sale Items for our Yard Sale on Sunday.  I ordered some hangers and clothes display racks from Amazon for easy browsing and also some dot stickers.  I created some Posters and I still have some Yard Signs to create that I can post along the street.  Here are some of the photos of my work:





I was able to wake up this morning after having a highly productive weekend to the following in my work space:


Just a blank page

a clear space

nothing but hope.

And then a few hours later...

We were in full swing work mode...

Long pause...I had to pick up writing the following day

Yesterday was exhausting- I felt under the weather and Alex was doing great work- however, with no leader at the helm we got very little done.  I remember feeling utterly exhausted by 1:45pm and I excused myself to sit down on the couch...which turned into my lying on the couch.  Before long, a kitten was curled up in the crook of my legs and hard snoozin'...as was I.  Alex was playing on his chromebook.  I turned the volume up on my phone since I usually keep it on vibrate.  I could not remember what time Annika was off work.  Was it 1:00?  Or was it 2:00?  She would call...I was confident I would hear her call.  What felt like a few moments had passed and it was after 3:00pm!

I looked at my phone.  One missed call from Ani...about 20 minutes ago.  When I called her back to see if she needed a ride, she said she was already on her way home.  She had left her bicycle at work from the shift before.  I felt guilt and relief.  Chronic Fatigue SUCKS sometimes.  However.  I have learned to never ever put myself down or wallow in guilt over a bad day or a few bad hours.  It just is what it is.

I still had zero energy, but pushed myself to continue with my laundry tasks...so close to finished now!  Also, there were kitchen chores needing attention.  My dishwasher is always running.  But mainly, I just wanted to stay parked there on the couch with the cat!  At 5:30ish, I heard my husband arrive home.  He brought me a coffee...I drank about half and it really didn't help my energy.  Also, I should mention I had a full 10 cup pot that morning and a cup of tea in the afternoon.  All of that caffeine and no result.

I know that Jamie is not judging me when he sees me watching tv with the kids at 6:00pm, but there is this feeling of guilt I always need to push through when "dinner is not on the table".  We had made some biscuits sort of late in the day and pigged out on those before dinner...so only Jamie was going to be hungry right now.  My mind did it's usual CFS catalog of solutions.  It sounds a little like this:

Ok Marie...(that is what I call myself)...what can you prepare for dinner that doesn't require much energy but has balanced nutrition?  Then I remember that I have many already prepared items from the full day of cooking on Saturday.  Now if only I had the energy to just walk to the kitchen and microwave it...

Yes, this is a real conversation I have.

Ok, so some of you may be wondering what I would have done if I were at work when this CFS crash happened...and that is an excellent question!  You see, it's impossible to really know because environment does impact things.  I have learned to be the kind of worker at my job that pours myself out 150% on most days because I KNOW the crash will come.  It always has.  It always does.  There is no avoiding it.  So let's not dwell...let's just be grateful that I had the ability to rest when it happened THIS time.

So I managed to warm some delicious rice, balsamic chicken strips and butternut squash and broccoli.  I toasted some leftover Dave's Pizza...laid it all out and when my husband came in from cleaning the yard, his face showed that he was very pleased.  Annika had a Meeting for work (It was a Zoom meeting and she took it in her room).  Jamie and Alex and I enjoyed a few episodes of "The Good Place" before Alex went to take his shower and hit the sack.

Just before bed, Jamie asked Alex if a Bluetooth mouse might be helpful with CADD - he is using a work site called SketchUp and it has been hard to draw on the chromebook only.  They hooked it all up, and Alex is looking forward to trying it.  This morning when I gave Alex the update about CADD and how much work we needed to complete, he was a little daunted as I expected but I assured him that Jamie and I both will be here to support him.  Thursday, Jamie can help him with some of the more technical aspects of the process.

Yesterday's crash has me feeling apprehensive about the rest of the week.  I get VERY overwhelmed when my schedule gets full and this week is very full for me.  On Thursday, Annika has a consult for her Wisdom Teeth removal, followed by us driving out to Boston for her to get her Headshots photographed.  She recently re-signed with her Acting/Modeling Agent out of Boston.  I told her that if she does it as an adult it will be on her to manage it.  Somehow I ended up driving her to Boston...I need to get better at setting boundaries with her.  It's hard when your children become adults but they are young and immature adults...who act like they are children that still need you.  Anyway, as I stated, Jamie is pitching in Thursday to give Alex support so there is no time lost on his schooling.

Then let's not forget that it is Halloween on Saturday!  We set the clocks back AND I am having a Yard Sale on Sunday.  Alex does not have a Halloween Costume yet, but Annika does.  Also, Annika, Jamie and I are all working Halloween in different shifts- just to add to the chaos!  At some point on Saturday, I will fetch Alex from his Dad's house, get a costume and candy and hopefully not crash again!  

I am not sure why this article became about my Chronic Fatigue battle and my hectic schedule.  I just sometimes feel like the majority of people I know just either accept that life is way more busy than it should be, or they are the exact opposite and just work, come home and get high or drink beer, and watch tv.  I am looking for something in between these two extremes where I can manage easily.  I never find it.  I only find peace where I make peace, and that is in my heart and my mind.  That is where I live.

Ok, more tomorrow.  

~Namaste


Lilac

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