Day 7/ Week 2: Assessment of how it's all going

 I am on a VERY lonely journey.  

It feels like nobody else can truly understand how it feels to have another person (and their life's progress), in your hands.  

I don't feel inadequate for the task...but I do feel under-prepared.  I was a little "thrown" into it after all.  Perhaps I should not have been, or felt this way.  Maybe I am just as much at fault for not taking a more "hands on" approach from day one.  The truth is, once you have gotten this involved, you are deeply invested and frankly- I am WAY out of my comfort zone here!

I am not speaking about being uncomfortable with the academics of it.  No-There is nothing that Alex is learning in any of his courses as a 7th grader, that I am struggling with understanding.  I am fully comfortable with the subject matter.  Anything that I don't know, I at least know the resources of how to get the answer.  But what I AM having a great amount of difficulty with is gaining cooperation from my stubborn, prideful child.  In order to have a fuller understanding of what he has to do, I would actually need to immerse myself even MORE in what is required.  I feel like I need to BE the student, in order to understand what he is required to do...and then on top of that, I need to sit beside him and make sure he is doing it!

I am just thinking it all through, but in writing...and in my blog.  

I am not complaining, I am just giving my tutelage an assessment. 

Am I giving Alex the right support?  

Am I committed enough?  

Am I pushing him hard enough?  

We NEED to get him to a passing grade.  He needs to hit that 70 mark in all of his classes.  He has seven classes- all currently at failing grades.  Some are failing below 40.  Ok, most are below 40.  Of his 7 classes, One is a 40, one is a 61, one is not graded yet for the semester and the other 4 are in the 20's and 30's.

Last week we hit a very important mark; we got perfect attendance for the week.  PRESENT...for all classes on all days. So far we have had two FULL Mondays of Anytime Work that we have done together.  I keep trying to compare this to a diet...it takes time to see the results. In fact, I KNOW it will take time to see the results.  So why do I sound edgy and anxious about it?  I am not sure...I mean I do have my own struggles with CFS and with Depression.  These impact my ability to support another human being this way but here I am giving it what I can.

In fact, I was very close to a Nervous Breakdown before I took this leave of absence from my full time day job.  The pressures of the ever-changing climate of ups and downs at work, combined with my responsibilities of paying bills, managing mental health appointments for the family and doctor appointments for all of us, and managing the house and 5 animals, all meals and the groceries and chores....add onto that what Alex's struggles brought to the table:

• Teacher Conferences
• Daily notices of my child's absences even though each day I would call him during my lunch break and he would assure me that he had had a great day full of classes and work...only to find out that he never even went to the classes!

Coming home from work, exhausted from the emotional beating I get there all day, facing chores, dinner, pets and fatigue mostly alone because my husband works a full time job AND a part time job and is not home a lot during the evenings- finding that Alex has unfinished work, his meds for ADHD have now worn off and he is OFF the Wall.  Add to this that my adult daughter is trying to live her best life and I am her ride everywhere.  Why?  Because she is enrolled in online school that she doesn't even go to...has a job that I need to commute her to, and has decided to take auditions for Acting and Modeling jobs, and will no doubt expect me to take her everywhere for that.  Unfortunately I will be having to say "no" to many of her requests because I am CLEARLY at burnout right now.

Leaving work has helped tremendously in reducing the mental burdens and allowing me to wrap my head around the work that Alex is doing...again I will circle back to the concept of immersion.  Alex cannot be trusted to work at an appropriate pace, focus on the correct things and submit work as requested by his teachers and in a timely manner, without someone there to move each project along.  This is why he has, not only a 504 plan, but a full IEP and is in Special Education.  Because his developmental disabilities are not to the extent that some other children are, he is integrated into regular classroom learning, and not in Special Education classes.  His struggles are behavioral, emotional and related to the Hyperactivity component of ADHD.  These items over the years have caused him to learn more slowly and not hit the milestone marker for classes when other children his age were hitting them.mHis reading level for example and his understanding of Addition/Subtraction/Multiplication/Division.

I used to be angry about it...I saw him as just disobedient and stubborn.  It took me a long time to acknowledge that he might have ADHD.  When we finally brought him to be assessed by Dr. MaryAnn Ford, she produced results that surprised me.  He had a clear issue with ADHD and although intelligent, was falling behind in school at a pace that made him already behind the other students, hence in need of the 504 plan to keep up.  A year or two after the first diagnosis, Alex was also given an IEP in addition to the 504 plan.  This allowed for him to have a Special Ed teacher shadowing him in the core classrooms and extra time with that teacher in a separate period each day.  Then this year, he moved schools.

Alex's School life has been VERY different from what his sister's had been.  

Annika excelled naturally and quickly from Kindergarten through 5th grade.  She struggled in the 6th grade when we moved and changed schools and then by 7th grade she was tanking...also 7th grade was her transition to Middle School.  In Annika's case, she was diagnosed VERY late in the game with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, as a recognized Mental Health issue and a truly disruptive one to have when facing pressures of college-prep high school classes.  Annika had multiple AP (Advanced Placement) courses from 9th grade to 12th grade.  When she graduated she had 14 credits transferred immediately to Rhode Island College.  But with that said, she STRUGGLED to get through high school.  I learned to be her advocate...but I learned very late in the game.  I am not saying that it is too late.  I am just saying, that I will be doing things VERY differently where Alex is concerned.

For starters, when Annika was a Junior in High School, one of her teachers told the class that Anxiety is not real and that people just use it as a crutch.  Annika was deeply affected by that class, that teacher and those words.  In fact, I compare it to what is happening in the United States on a Global level right now...the opinions and the thinking and the words of SOME people with certain opinions is forced upon listeners, and some people who hear that message will become stronger, and fight and overcome that kind of attitude!  Others will fall behind the words and blame themselves for having anxiety...having a health issue...or a mental health issue.  Let's not stop there guys!  Let's also blame women for getting themselves raped or pregnant and then let's remove the clinics that can help them.  Ok...just going a little overboard there, but I feel the analogy holds true.  I believe that if we cannot help, we should do no harm.

The teacher that I am speaking of above was never reprimanded for her behavior.  The actions were overlooked and many more similar to it were and will be in the future.  But one thing will be different.  Going forward, ANY teacher who attempts to use their power in the classroom to convey a message of hate like that will have ME to contend with next time.

So it has been very different with Alex.  Alex is not like his sister.  Alex is not thinking about going to college and becoming a teacher or a doctor.  Alex is just trying to be a kid and get by day to day at this point in his life.  His ambitions are mostly toward food and fun. But he shows an interest in police work.  He also shows an interest in vehicles like cars, race-cars and aircraft.  He is also fond of building.  He loves to build houses and buildings.  That was why I thought it was great when the 7th grade placed Alex in CADD- Computer Aided Drafting.  The class however, is fast-paced and demanding, with a lot of work.

So what did I accomplish today to help move us forward?

I reached out to each teacher with a simple copy and pasted email to each one to ask what Alex can do in their opinion for their specific class, to bring his grade up.

I also asked for access to Google Classroom and learned that I need to just use Alex's Access, which works fine for me.  I just need to see the expectations for each teacher.  It needs to be like I am in the class with him...I need to hear and see everything so I can help translate those requirements TO Alex.

So for today I know we need to really crank out work in CADD, catch up on Math exercises and also produce some thoughtful Social Studies essays and notes.  THIS is a lot of work.  But the good news was that the PE teacher responded already that Alex will pass as long as he attends every meet this semester, participates and returns all work.  SOLD. I will take it!

Can I have a cookie now?  I have been good today :-)

~Namaste

Lilac